Endurance

There was a day back in September. A day that just hurt my head and my heart. A day when God the Creator, My Father, asked too much of me. Maybe over the course of a year all these changes and curve balls might have been manageable. But there were 5 absolutely and ridiculously gigantic changes that God asked of me and I Got Angry. Why me? Why now? Why all at the same freakin' time? Are you freakin' kidding me? My head was just spinning. I was nauseated with worry. 

Now normally I agree with my husband who said, "Honey, it's Sunday, let's go to church." I couldn't. I was not public-capable. If anyone came up to me before or after church and asked me how our little family was doing, I didn't even want to think about how I would've reacted. The crazy would've found a way out somehow.

I felt this tug. This overwhelming need. Yes, Need. I needed to be out in the garden weeding. I needed to tend to my little plants. All I could picture, all could fathom was being out there with my shovel messing up some damn weeds. I knew the ache and the soreness that would follow. I knew the overwhelming drowsiness that would wash over me once I returned to my work in our family routine (dinner prep, dinner, dinner clean, bathtime, prayer time, go to sleep already! time). How hard it would be to muster enough energy to actually be nice to them after giving so much of myself to the garden. But I Had to. 

It was there where I found Him. My body was working. My brain was turned off. I was alone. Except for the breeze. Then I heard the dirt. I heard the chirping of the crickets. I heard my breath. I heard life happening. Some of it happening bigger than me, while some of it was smaller than me. It was happening regardless. To me, because of me, around me, everywhere, regardless of me. Life was happening because of God. I was just one drop in the river of life. I flowed and followed the course with the rest of life, in my little corner of the world. It wasn't until I surrendered and flowed with life that I found peace. I had to let go of my own expectations and stipulations about what life is. My perspective doesn't matter in that way. What matters is what God intends life to be. We can either find the rhythm or we can continue feeling completely and utterly out of sync. I gave up myself so I could participate in the river of life. Which is where I found myself. The self that God intended me to be. To cope the way I was meant to cope. To love the way I was meant to love. To forgive the way I was meant to forgive. And to endure.

To endure because of God. To endure regardless of my situation.

Gardening

So, first on the list of things I Never thought I would do, like EVER, Gardening.

God the Holy Spirit revealed this love for our environment to me around 2 years ago. Realistically I hated all that plant biology of my past. And realistically who has time for all those dang weeds? But it's about More than that.

God the Creator has left His mark IN EVERY LIVING THING.

I originally got on the gardening kick because of finances. How on earth was I going to afford to eat fresh, organic fruits and vegetables if I didn't grow the darn things myself?!!! I must admit, I dragged my feet. But eventually, I came around because my family's health is worth it.

I started weeding the backyard. As I stood there drenched in sweat, my hands aching, and my back already tightening up, here my daughters were frolicking and giggling in the spring breeze. My younger daughter had this ritual of just bathing herself in the dirt. Her face was aglow and her hair was shimmering in the morning sunlight. I walked into the house with a big ole goofy grin with my heart resounding over their innocence and their energy. My body was hurting, but my Soul was Alive. Then came the experimentation with our seeds and we Prayed for Something to pop out of that way too expensive potting soil. Oh the excitement of our first little tomato and zucchini sprouts. I kid you not, the joy in my heart over something so small was just so Real and so Addicting.

God the Creator has left His mark IN EVERY LIVING THING.

I used to believe plants were So different from humans, why should I study them and their life cycle? Boring! This coming from the wannabe doctor who was so obsessed with the beauty of human anatomy and the healing power of the body. But no really, the process itself is So amazing to watch and participate in. Reaping. Sowing. Waiting. Harvesting. Gratitude.

Because God the Holy Spirit gave me new eyes to enjoy the blessing of our garden, I was able to experience God the Father/Creator. In nature is where we find and participate in a relationship with God the Creator. Through our own life cycle and families we find and participate in a relationship with God the Creator. I thought that plants were so different, and maybe less important to God, but NO, He looked at His creation and said it was Good. Good means Holy. Good means Godly. It's not just reserved for us Humans. We are not the only life that is a reflection of Him.

People have asked me how I became such a "green thumb" and I tell them it's because I talk to my plants. I encourage them and tell them what I hope they will grow for me. I could be wrong but I think it matters. My plants survive with water and sunlight (needs). But my plants really Thrive when I give them my time and visit them daily and encourage them. Weird, yes I know. But it's so great for MY soul, for MY life as well. They are a blessing to me.

He is waiting.  He is calling out to Us. He is there waiting for Us in nature. 5 minutes a day is all it takes sometimes. To just breathe Him in. Just to enjoy Him. To smile at Him. To marvel at Him. Some call her "mother nature". That's fine too. But we are called. ALL of us. (hint: Universal Truth)

Every Blade Of Grass Has An Angel
That Bends Over It And Whispers...
"Grow, Grow"
The Talmud